We had a great day with the family Sunday even though I was worried about my brother. His wife passed over on Friday, she had been sick for quite a while, but even though you’re expecting the end, when it actually happens it’s a shock. The older I get the more often I see my friends and family passing. I am really tired of funerals because I’m not good at comforting those that are left behind.
Bill thinks I’m strange because I don’t view death as an end, I view it as a beginning and who really knows, it really could be the best thing that ever happens to humans. Okay so I guess you think I’m strange also, that’s nothing new for me, I’m quite use to that opinion. Bill also knows I have no desire for any type of viewing or service and I want to be cremated.
I need to hurry and get through menopause so I can enjoy the rest of my life, I feel like it has been with me forever and if I wasn’t depressed I am now. I really never thought of myself as being a depressed type person, but I was told I was, by therapist at a clinic and she put me on antidepressants that almost drove me nuts. I simply couldn’t do them, they made me so angry and mean all the time.
They then put me on something called Neurontin which is used for seizures and back pain, but it worked for my menopause and headaches for awhile, but I stopped taking that medication also because I simply don’t like taking pills. Now I’m on my own and all things considered I don’t think I have been as horrible as I hear some people are.
I do tend to stay away from crowds of people as much as possible encase I’m more weird than what I think. I’d sure hate to go ballistic on anyone especially since I quit smoking and yes I had to use a drug called Chantix to stop, but was only able to use the first two packs of the starter pack because it gave me such bad headaches. I have been doing pretty good though, but I still have urges.
I do count all the blessings that I have seen in my life and appreciate all the good things that have happened for and to me. I am very grateful that I have experienced love and friendship and children and grandchildren and I’m really looking forward to Bill’s retirement so we can spend more time together, of course after a few months I may wish him back at work.
I would really want people to appreciate that I had the chance to experience life and be happy for me when I pass on and not be sad, if anyone’s left that is. Sometimes I wonder if it’s easier to die than to live.

