16
Sep

Aging And Helplessness

   Posted by: jude   in Home and Family

The first time I saw Robin Williams was on the Mork and Mindy show and I thought he was hilarious and still do, but my favorite was Jonathan Winters as their son and I always thought that was the best concept ever to be born old and gradually grow younger with age and wisdom. At least we would be able to enjoy  more as we aged in reverse.

I’ve been thinking about older people driving and wondering if I’ll know when it’s time to hang up my car keys. I was reading a very informative article at The Ags Foundation For Health In Aging and I thought it might be of interest for those of you that are worried about your aging parents driving, there are other good articles there also.

I have always loved being able to get around without depending on someone else’s charity and help and I don’t want to ever be totally helpless now that’s a scary thought to be dependant on the whims of someone else and become a burden. No one wants to feel like a burden for their family or whoever their caretaker may be.

That reminds me of my ex-husband who took care of his Mother when she got ill and old. I’m sure hoping he changed because he was mean to all women and I shudder to think of any cruelties he might have inflicted if he was still in the state of mind that I knew when I was married to him. So I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope he was kind and generous to her.

We don’t want to be a burden especially on our children. I certainly don’t want to play the reverse role with my child telling me what to do after I had been the adult and caregiver for so long, in my case that’s not likely to happen unless a miracle happens, but besides that I am only 16 and 1/2 years older than him so we would both be aging together.

I haven’t decided what choices I might make if I was not able to take care of myself so I guess I’ll just face that when and if it ever happens.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 16th, 2008 at 5:15 pm and is filed under Home and Family. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

8 comments so far

hitesh
 1 

this is an awesome template man……real nice work…….who ever have designed this is like god….man

September 16th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Dragon Blogger
 2 

Aging is something I fear, even as I approach 31 years old in a few weeks. I have witnessed both of my grandfathers become decrepit and weak with heard disease and age, and finally one had to live with my parents until he finally came too sick to live longer.

One can only remember, having loving caring family and friends around you. Don’t burn bridges, and don’t be the type of person who lives like a hermit, you will never appreciate the acts of kindness more than when you are old.

September 16th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Lilly
 3 

It is tough and its somethingwe all have to go through. The only thing is to keep your health for as long as you can. The thing I have noticed with my Dad and his many hospital vists is just because your body is failing you doesnt mean your mine is necessarily doing the same thing too! I have tried hard never to be condescending and to lose respect for his intelligence or him. I ask I never tell. I want to treat him the way I would want to be treated. Its a great post – the whole life cycle is interesting hey? Gee you were a baby yourself when you had your son then! Family is critical and I do worry about the people that do not have anyone to take care of them. As Draggon Blogger said, we should all look after one another and be kinder. We just never know what is ahead of us.

September 17th, 2008 at 1:28 am
Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry"
 4 

Dealing with losing independence is a very difficult aspect of aging. I was fortunate that my dad quit driving when the doctor told him he should. I think it’s especially hard for people who are used to doing for others their whole life but these people especially should not feel bad about asking for help. They know the joy that comes from helping others and now it’s their turn to let others help them with things and get joy. I think attitude is the key. As long as the elderly person needing help doesn’t nag or complain constantly, then helping them is not a burden at all.

Being childless myself, I expect if I live long then I’ll go into assisted living one day. I don’t think that would be so awful at that stage of life. It’s not something I’m going to worry about though.

I think you would enjoy the book I wrote about my dad because it shows how we dealt with this issue of role reversal, aging and losing independence.

September 17th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Lea
 5 

Hi Jude

In the case of my parents, my divorced brother moved into our parents home and took care of them through my father’s passing and now the apparent ending of my mother’s.

I think they appreciated his doing this, which allowed them to remain in their own home and to be cared by someone who loved them instead of strangers.

Many blessings friend

September 17th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Lea
 6 

One more thing…you’ve been tagged with the A-Z tag. The information is on my site. I tagged you because ‘I luv ya.’ Blessings

September 17th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Rich Dansereau
 7 

I think that loss of independence, especially the freedom of movement would be very hard. I really think that public transportation should be dramatically expanded. If it were then the mobile elderly could at least go to the store or to a park if those things aren’t nearby. I imagine the isolation that accompanies being homebound would be devastating. People are after all gregarious by nature.
I know there are worse things like Alzheimer’s and death of a life partner. But the loss of freedom for those who are healthy can be quite devastating.

September 17th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
carol at A Second Cup
 8 

The first time my husband stepped in exercising the health power of attorney made a decision concerning his mom because at the time she wasn’t mentally capable of making one (due to a need for a blood transfusion she wasn’t thinking straight) she was quaking with anger. It is very hard to become helpless. She would have died if he didn’t act. She did forgive him after the transfusion….eventually

September 18th, 2008 at 7:41 pm

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