I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard  “What If?” and through the years I have even said it myself a few times, but realized it did no good to fantasize or chastise myself in any way because what may have and what could have been wasn’t, so I learned to let it go, but just last week while visiting my son I probably said more what ifs than I have in my life time.

Like, what if I had given him up for adoption when I was 16 and unwed as I was advised to do. Was I selfish wanting someone of my own to love and care for even though I wasn’t able to care for myself? Maybe, but I would have missed all those experiences that bonded us and made him who he is today and myself also. Of course maybe he wouldn’t be sick now, but I don’t know that so I let it go.

What if my parents hadn’t died when I was small, would I have been the person I am today? Probably not because being deprived of a loving family made me appreciate love and kindness when it finally came along, we often take so much for granted. So many what ifs come to mind, but I try to let them go and have tried to learn something from every experience I’ve ever had.

There was one big what if that really bothered me when I was holding my Grandson in my arms and smothering him with kisses. Bill was in a relationship before me and I’m not sure if I told you about the lady before, but a couple of years ago she was babysitting her little 18 month old Grandson and while she was carrying him she tripped down some stairs and fell on top of him and killed him.

I have often wondered what if that had happened to me?