My ex-husband died of cancer a few years ago. I saw him in the hospice a couple of weeks before he died to say a final goodbye. I supported my daughter and ex-sister-in-law in dealing with his estate, and I went to the funeral. I even found myself grieving afterwards. I grieved more for our son who was estranged from him and unable to get closure. The computer I use now was his, given to me by his sister who inherited it and felt I had been unfairly treated by him. Our divorce was in the 1970s so it’s all long gone. Through my daughter I am still in touch with his sister and like her very much.

When I went through my divorce, my ex and I spent two very long hard years going through mediation. From this we have come out with a good working relationship. In our case, it is important because we have two daughters. They are both now in college and we have plenty of logistics on how meet their needs.

Around the same time, I attended a brilliant online class at Indiana University entitled Grief in the Family Context. It talked about disenfranchised grief, such as the grief on has when an ex dies. It was very informative.

At this point, I bear my ex no ill will. She is a person in my life like so many other acquaintances from work, from church or from the community. If something horrible were to befall a member of her family, I would approach it in a manner very similar to how I would any other person I know from the community. I would take it on a case by case basis whether or not to attend a funeral, visit a person in the hospital, or whatever else needed to be done.

My two cents.

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I have nothing to do with the ex or his family, even though we were together for 16 years and had three children together. It just didn’t work out that way, and it’s sad because when we divorced I not only lost a husband (and good riddance) but I lost the entire extended family.

I guess every situation is different. They weren’t nice people and I’m better off, but I think if you can keep a civil relationship that’s best. For me, it was best to keep my distance — much healthier, if you know what I mean.

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I have an ex and two children with him. Our divorce was 11 years ago. I don’t want to be around him any more than he around me. He has moved on and so have I. The only time we need to communicate is in regards to our children – who are 17 & 13 and as cuch
My sister’s and mother have befriended him on facebook and invite him to family events (such as my nephew’s soccer games) but don’t invite myself or my kids. He didn’t tell our children about their cousin’s game. It’s a game of abuse and dysfunction. An ex should be just that – an ex. The divorce is an ending of a relationship. Its hurtful that my family would perpetually invite my ex to family events without thought to my feelings. And when I don’t attend because EVERYTIME they invite him – he shows. NOT because he cares about them but because he dispises me that much. His dumb girlfriend even comes along for the dysfunction.
I realize break ups are difficult and many innocent people get hurt along the way – but what happened to family loyalty?

I love the excuse of “what happened between you two has nothing to do with me”….really, I thought I was *your* family member, I would think you would care about how I would feel to consistantly be around a person treated me badly and is dysfunctional.
Cheap excuse to mask bad behavior!