I found myself thinking about a post I wrote recently and apologized for sounding bitter and then said I was, but that wasn’t true. I am not bitter and I forgave any bad feelings I had for anyone many years ago. There are too many blessings in my life to feel bitterness, maybe angry at circumstances sometimes, but nothing that would embitter me for long and hold me captive.

I am grateful that I was able to experience life with all of the ups and downs and I appreciate all the people that have been in my life whether good or bad influences I learned something from each and everyone of them and hopefully I imparted something to them they could use. I am not normally a negative person and always try to find the good over the bad.

I talked to my son last night and he gave me the updates, he just got out of the hospital again with a temporary pain pump because they found tumors on his lower spine so Monday they are going to embed a permanent pain pump that is computerized to send meds directly to the lower spine every hour so he can function and then he will start radiation for the tumors on the 17th for 10 days.

He is in good spirits because they didn’t find any tumors in his neck or brain and they told him it was stable right now, meaning that while it isn’t shrinking it isn’t growing either. After the radiation next month he will have chemo again for the tumors in his liver. He is very strong in spirit and he appreciates all the prayers. He told me he isn’t afraid of dying because he lived his life the way he wanted to.

He wants as much time as possible though to watch his baby grow and Ethan is now 3 months old. He told me he was worried about the crossing over part and what happens in that last breath and all I could tell him was what I experienced with my own Mother and Father and how I felt it will be. Neither of them was afraid and you could actually see and hear the peace and that they were ready to leave this reality.

I have mentioned before, I was young when they died, but it always had a very profound effect knowing that there was no fear. I don’t want to know when I might draw that last breath unlike my son he has always wanted to know every detail so he can be prepared, but no one can know when that might be unless they choose to take their own life, which sadly happens often.

I don’t want to end this on a sad note so I’ll leave you with the Serenity Prayer which I’m sure we all know well.

God,
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

Does everyone feel different today? From watching CNN even though our country is still in a mess there seems to be jubilation everywhere certainly more so than the feelings would have been if McCain had won. Even though I didn’t like either candidate I did vote for McCain because of his experience regardless of the campaign to make him look like a Bush clone.

I know the American people want change, but it certainly wont come over night. I hope that the American people aren’t hoping for an overnight fix because no matter who got in it would take time thanks to the mess the Bush administration has put us in. I thought it was great that so many young people actually got more involved in this election than any other and that was definitely a huge boost for President Elect Obama.

Did we make the right choice, maybe, but only time will tell. I do like Joe Biden and think Obama chose the right VP and McCain certainly should have chosen his VP as carefully as Obama did. There’s no doubt that McCain’s whole campaign was flawed and I’m sure it will be analyzed in depth for future Republican campaigns.

One bright spot we can all be happy about is that we will no longer be subjected to all those horrible campaign commercials and no more phone calls. America is certainly going in a new direction and last night was definitely a history making moment. Hopefully the new President Elect will be able to unite all of the people at least now African Americans know that anything can be achieved and there are no barriers.

I am so glad we chose 10 in the morning we were in and out within 10 minutes at the most, no one was waiting, but on the way out we ran into Bill’s sister and brother and a few others. The guys at his job were so impressed that one of them called his wife straight away and they went to vote of course in another district an had to wait 2 hours.

 Yes, as you can see I wore my Jeff Gordon jacket because I have had it forever and I still like him even though the Allison’s are and have always been my hero’s. I will now say that I voted For McCain because regardless of the Dem’s hooking him up with Bush I don’t think that would ever have been the case. Which ever way it goes I pray for the best for our country.

I just watched the end of the CNN predictions and watched McCain’s speech and saw Jesse Jackson cry probably because he wanted to be where Obama is and all I can say is Thank God he’s not. God bless us all and I will give my support until I find something to bitch about just like with every other president. Obama gives a good speech doesn’t he?

Most weeks I have absolutely nothing I have to do and then it seems everything important is scheduled all in one weeks time. I really hate when that happens and it makes me feel anxious because it’s just too much activity for this old lady. I like having things spread over a period of time at least then it gives me something to look forward to.

Busy-Busy-Busy I didn’t get anything done online this weekend with Halloween and then a party and yesterday was the granddaughters baby dedication which was very nice, but I don’t think I have ever gone to a church that had a band and all the young people actually enjoyed getting up and clapping and actually kind of dancing, to say the least it was interesting.

The congregation actually wore jeans or whatever they felt like I have never thought there should be a dress code because I really don’t think God cares about the outside only what’s happening inside. I remember we always had to wear our Sunday best and not everyone had those so of course there was gossip even in church, like lordy mercy did you see what the widow lady had on and blah blah blah.

Tomorrow of course is election day and hopefully I will pick a good time to get in and out without standing in line for hours, I am aiming for 10 o’clock. Bill is going to come home from work so we will go over together and cast our ballot and pray we have made the right choice. They are predicting a huge turnout this year so everyone will be anxiously waiting the outcome.

Then of course I have Shadow’s appointment for shots and I always get anxious when I have to take him to the vet and so does he. I have to groom my old guy and get him all spiffy to go out and he hates it. I have been so lucky with this adorable old guy in as much that he hasn’t had any major illnesses. Just his vaccines once a year, but he does have a fatty tumor which is starting to bother him.

I had considered having it removed until a friend of mine said when they removed one from her pet, it came right back plus more so as long as it doesn’t grow I’m not going to get overly concerned because at his age I worry about the anesthesia and the effects that might occur. It’s getting harder for him to get up and down the steps though, he thinks he has to sleep at the foot of the bed otherwise he’d be fine.

So when I get through this week everything will go back to normal whatever that is and I’m going to try and spread things out so I only have 1 major thing to do in a week from now on. Good luck tomorrow at the polls.