I hate to keep apologizing for pouring out my feelings right now, but it did help and I’d also like to thank Annie from Annie’s Savvy Cafe for her heartfelt comment. I really appreciate all comments and many times I don’t answer so I give link love instead because even though I have comment luv installed I haven’t gotten around to do follow yet on comments, but I intend to do that next week.
I am actually okay and I am very strong even though I might sound weak at times and I am a survivor. I read “A Course In Miracles” or have for many years and it helps, but I haven’t lately because I fell back into the human reality of believing this is my true reality which I know it’s not. Sorry that may sound weird to many of you because this world is all we know.
I wont take that any further because everyone has their own way of thinking and I just wanted you to know that I certainly appreciate all of the good energy that I felt from your typed words. When I talked to Eric last night he just sounded so weak and when he told me the cancer was actually in his bones now I just kind of lost it. I know in my heart it’s only a matter of time.
I will probably be going down as I mentioned in January and I don’t know how long I will be there, but I wont have access to a computer unless I get my laptop then I would keep in touch. I really need to spend time with my son, but I also hate leaving Bill because as I said before he has glaucoma and the pressure in the one eye is up to 36 which the Dr. said is unacceptable.
We go Tuesday to see what is going to be done. Bill is really worried that he will lose his eyesight one day. I’m also worried about him and leaving him alone for a month, but the kids and other family members always come over to comfort him when I’m away. I’m beginning to think they don’t like me because they always wait till I’m gone to come over, but they know he’s a wimp and hates to be alone.
I’m tired so I’ll say Goodnight and wish a good weekend for everyone and thanks so much to all you great bloggers.
I feel really bad that some people don’t know what is going on with my son when they come to my blog and just catch a glimpse of my life and for that I apologize. My son is 38 and will be 39 if he lives to his next birthday which is in May. He just had his first and only baby during the same time that he was hospitalized, Ethan was born while I was there and I received the worse news that any Mother could have that my son was dying with cancer.
I have tried to live from one day to the next and for a while it was okay I do have unipoloar if you want to read the post on my other blog. I have prayed and prayed and even begged for prayers and many people responded which I am grateful for. You know, even though I love God and believe I don’t believe in miracles any more, but I never asked for a miracle I only asked for courage for my son and the family. We have received courage or at least my son has, but he is having a hard time letting go now and so am I.
I have an additive personality and I’ve dealt with alcohol all my life, but I’ve dealt with it and I will type about it at a later date. These past 6 years have been the happiest I have ever been in my whole entire life until 5 months ago when I received word that my son was dying. Now I don’t know how other people deal with things in their life, but I don’t judge what or how they cope, but I’m not coping very well in my old age, but I do appreciate all the feedback and caring wishes.
I can deal with anything that happens in my life, but when it comes to my one and only child then I don’t know how to cope well apparently. For my friends that have left messages I appreciate them very much and I give link love for very different reasons than many of my friends. When people care enough to leave me a message because it’s something they care enough about and are concerned about then they deserve love back and I really appreciate everyone so Thank-You all very much.
These are some past post for those that don’t know what is going on with my son and myself or my life and I do appreciate very much all of the concerns.
Please Say A Little Prayer For My Son
Erics Pond And Jack Russell
Bloggers Who Believe In The Power Of Prayer
More About My Trip To Kentucky
Below are the blogs and people that I chose to give link love to.
Mark at World Travel Blog
Jan at Better Spines
Judy at More Than Sew So
Carol at Pentimento
Man In The Moon
Anna At A Rose By Name
Jenny at Pushing The Angry Button
Lea at Ocean Of Perspectives
Dawn at Iowahippiechick
I have learned in my real life to keep things private and I don’t talk about things that really matter to me to anyone but Bill. I have found it easy to type about things that I can’t say to most people on my blog though as many other people do and we really deserve it when people call us out on things we write because we put it out there for the world to see. I enjoy reading blogs about things that happen to real people in their real world. Maybe some things I should keep to myself.
Just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean I should subject people to stupid posts like my last one although I might consider most of my posts as stupid lately. I decided not to post any more about my son and his condition because it’s just too depressing for most people as it is for me. I am hoping to go down in January and I hate that he is so far away and I can’t just pop over when I feel like it. I’m sorry to share with you that my heart is breaking and I am drinking to dull the pain.
I can’t even get pictures of my new grandson because they are too busy just trying to survive and get through this horrible time. We read posts about real things that have happened or are about to happen and we share that persons unhappiness or triumphs and their ups and downs and we get involved because we care. I’m really sorry for typing things that may upset some people, but because I don’t know you nor you me it’s often easy, but maybe there are some things I should just keep to myself.
My little tree which I have had for 13 years I put up again, maybe this isn’t going to be a good year which I know it wont because I have a problem right now with my son and I have started drinking again. I will leave that there for the time being and wish everyone a happy whatever.
Bill loves to watch infomercials and yesterday he was really impressed with the nuwave oven so I thought that would make another cool Christmas present for him so I ordered it online and by the time I was finished the total cost was 250 dollars and I was shocked, needless to say he got very ticked off at me and told me to cancel it, that he didn’t want me to spend that much money on something he would probably only use a couple of times.
I was on the phone holding for an hour before I could cancel the darn thing, but in the mean time I checked Boscov’s because they usually have everything that is shown on television and they have the white one on sale for 99 dollars of course it doesn’t come in black and you don’t get all the accessories, but it wont cost me 68 dollars shipping either. At any rate if it works the way they advertise it then that should be good enough. I really am thinking about a parental block on the infomercial channels.
Since it’s infrared it’s suppose to cook food in half the time even frozen food and all the fat collects in a drip pan so you don’t have to worry about consuming that. I was reading reviews and many people loved it, but there were also negative reviews, like the dome cracks after extended use and a few other negatives, but because he seemed to like it I went ahead and ordered to surprise him because he loves to cook and we are trying to eat healthier and it even cooks a 14 pound turkey frozen.
He wanted one of those magic bullets last year really bad because of the stupid infomercial and I think he’s used it to make milkshakes a couple times so I should have learned my lesson for 70 bucks that’s a mighty expensive milkshake machine. From now on when he is watching how cool those products are on television and making comments about how he would like to have something I will totally ignore him, if he wants it that bad then he can order it himself and not get mad at me for spending my money on him.
It’s so hard to get hints from him about what he would like to have so my ears perk up when I hear him say he would like to have something however I did agree with him this time because that was way over what I had intended to spend. If I was rich of course I’m sure he wouldn’t have gotten so upset over the price, he does really hate it when I spend any money on him, but he expects to spend his on me. I’m not complaining, but I also like to be a giver and he’s so hard to buy for. No more infomercial ordering for me I’ll just give money.
