Don’t you just love our new usage of the word blended since Obama was elected? We are now referring to bi-racial children as blended it’s not just for step-families any more. What happens to prejudice when the whole world becomes blended? From what they predicted on TV we are certainly headed in that direction in the future because more people are becoming color blind, they are looking at the inside instead of the outer side.
I am reminded of a German girl I once knew that lived with a black man whom she professed to love. I hadn’t seen her for a couple years then when I did we talked and I congratulated her on her pregnancy. She became very indignant and said she wasn’t pregnant just fat that she planned on keeping her race pure. I was aghast at that statement and thought she could have simply explained that she was wearing a maternity top for other reasons.
I come from a blended background with Cherokee and Irish on my Mother’s side and I really can’t say about my Father’s side because I was never really interested enough about that side to find out. I would say that the majority of people are blended to a certain degree, but not in the new usage way of the word blended as pertaining to bi-racial. I always hated the word half-breed because it was used so derogatorily.
It’s funny I don’t see Obama as black, white, or blended I simply see him as the President and in my mind he will be judged by what he gets accomplished not the color of his skin.
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My brain is all fuzzy and for the life of me I can’t figure out how someone bought an OIOpublisher spot when I had removed the code. I happened to see one waiting when I turned on the computer and was perplexed. It said the EC credits had already been paid, but I didn’t see it in transactions yet, but I went ahead and put the code back on so the widget could run. Wouldn’t be very nice of me to take credits and not display someones ad. I’m going back to bed for awhile I promise to visit some blogs later.
Enough is enough with this stupid virus that Bill and I have, if it’s not better by Monday I’ll have to go get antibiotics and the last ones I took was 9 years ago and I had an allergic reaction so I kind of steer clear, but this strain of virus is really wearing us down since Christmas Eve. I know we’ve been under a lot of strain and have certainly not had the rest or proper anything, but it couldn’t be helped and all the traveling and emotions are just too much.
I have already used NyQuil which didn’t help, and mucus relief which made me sick and then Mucinex DM which I thought helped at first, but now it is settling in my ear and my face is so sore so I took a sinus pill which helped a little and Bill just bought me something called Similasan Earache Relief because they recommended it at the drugstore and you can use it with antibiotics which I will no doubt need because it’s just not letting up.
I can’t properly take care of my Shadow because I feel like crap. I’ve been trying to do EC drops, but they are done sporadically between taking care of everything else and sleeping. I must say it’s hell getting old because you just don’t have the stamina to keep up with everything once you’re down. Although I have to say Bill has been a real trooper, he’s only 6 years older than me, but he seems to maintain much better even though he’s been horribly sick.
He ran interference for me and did the socializing because I really wasn’t up to it. I did talk of course to the people I hadn’t seen in 28 years, but it was a blessing that they were so happy to talk about themselves so all I had to basically do was agree and nod my head and just listen. I had to wonder off on my own quite often because I was overwhelmed and felt like I was smothering just being around all those people even though I was grateful that they had thought enough of Eric to be there.
The donor Father that hadn’t wanted us when I was 16 had also been invited to be there which I hadn’t known had been invited until he was on his way, upset me very much because he always claimed that Eric wasn’t his, but he did go see Eric in the hospital a month or 2 before his death and told me he thought he would do the DNA and I thought well that’s a little late now that he’s 38 and dying and doesn’t really need you. All of this is a long story which is now closed as far as I’m concerned.
I exchanged a few words with him from a few yards only because he called out to me and then I turned and retreated through the door I had emerged from. I could tell he wanted to talk, but I didn’t. I had already told Bill I didn’t have anything to say to him any more. He told Bill at the graveside that he would like to speak with me, but since I didn’t actually go to the grave and stayed in the Jeep Bill ran interference again. That part of my life is over and I certainly don’t need his freaking condolences.
If he wants to do DNA with Ethan and help him to make up for a guilty conscience then that would be great.
Bill and I thought Eric would be dressed in the suit he loved so much, but instead they chose denim bib’s. I was informed that it was his choice because he loved his bib’s. I use to dress him in bib’s as a child and I guess it stuck with him. They also had Ethan dressed in the bib’s I took down for him back in July and it was nice to see that Ethan also loves his little blankie I gave him, he loves to hold it. It’s nice to think that part of my Son lives on through Ethan, but I hope he wont have my Son’s temperament or his bipolar.
The small photo below Eric and I had made in one of those little booths and has been with me for 36 years and you can see that it’s pretty worn away because I always carried it around wherever I went. Bill placed it in Eric’s pocket for me because I wanted it to go with him. They also placed the cross I got him back in July when we found out he had cancer inside the coffin because he loved it. I could not watch my Son be lowered into the ground so I stayed in the Jeep till it was over.
I am doing fine and I’m dealing with my emotions very well. I have 6 calls from Eric on my answering machine which I wouldn’t let Bill erase because I never want to forget his voice. I don’t play them all the time, but occasionally I’ll go in and listen to his voice and no I don’t think that’s morbid. Several of the calls I would wait till he left a message then I would call him back because I knew in my heart I wouldn’t be able to talk to him at some point and I would still need to hear his voice.
Bill has taken the rest of the week off from work because we are still sick and run down. I think this has been the nastiest cold or flu that we have ever had and he even had a flu shot. I only held Ethan once and I made sure I had a mask on because I didn’t want him to get sick. I hope when they come up in two weeks I will be well so I can smother him with kisses. Unless Chris decides to move back to Lancaster with her family I know I wont be in Ethan’s life very much.
I have no clue what her plans are because she doesn’t confide in me and as long as Eric was alive he kept me informed the best he could, but when he was tired he would make her talk to me. I have never done anything to the girl nor do I interfere, do all daughter-in-laws have a problem with their husbands’ Mother’s? I always remember that old saying because it’s so true, ” A son is a Son until he takes a wife, but a Daughter is a Daughter all her life.” I’m his Mother, but I was made to feel like it was some damn competition. I simply don’t understand somethings.
I feel hateful saying this, but I hope Ethan marries someone just like his Mother so she can feel what she has made me feel, but of course it will be different when the same thing happens to her and I seriously doubt she will even make a connection because it will be all about her.
