I realize I didn’t really give much history of the events leading to my disastrous marriage so I’m adding this post before I finish with the rest of my story. When I was at the orphanage I formed a bond with a young boy there because Doc encouraged it and approved of this young man, his name was Andy. Of course we weren’t allowed to be alone with boys or to date until we were 18, but when we would have group activities we always paired up, but no hanky panky was allowed. He was my first love.

I often wished that I had never left the orphanage in 68 to live with my brother because things might have turned out differently. There were problems with my brother’s wife and I was unhappy even though I had craved love and living with family. In 69 when the riots were in full force in York my brother let me go to Tennessee to visit our other brother and of course Doc and Andy picked me up at the bus station. I was just turning 16.

Looking back I realize how naive I was and how hungry I was for love and how much I loved this young man. When he asked me to marry him I was shocked and elated and actually believed he loved me. We managed to find time alone and of course the inevitable happened and I was happy because we were going to get married, how stupid I was. I got pregnant, no protection and later found out that was what guys did to get you into bed.

He didn’t want us, but I wanted my baby and even though I was told to give Eric up I refused because finally I would have someone to love me and I could love that was all my own or so I thought. That is what lead to my disastrous marriage in 1970. I knew Doc had special feelings for myself and Andy and Doc even offered to marry me to give Eric a legal name, but I was horrified at that prospect and couldn’t envision being married to an old man even though he said it would be in name only.

If I had known what was going to happen within the next ten years I would have gladly snatched that life line with both hands. Doc did stand by me and tried to help me out with a little money here and there I know he was trying to make up for Andy’s desertion, but it wasn’t his place. As mentioned before he tried to talk me out of the marriage with Tommy, but I wouldn’t listen. Doc still stood by me and Eric eventually called him Pawpaw.

This post was just to give a little history of Eric’s blood Father and the man I had loved for so many years and whom I had measured other men by until I met Bill when I was 50 and then there was no comparison. Of course over the years I had somehow turned Andy into a saint and I always took the blame for him not wanting us. I decided I simply hadn’t been good enough. I tried to get Eric and Andy together in later years, but it didn’t happen until last year, a few months before his death. When I buried my Son I also buried Andy.

To be continued….

My Life/The Beginning Of 10 Years Of Hell

My Life/Part2