I really appreciate all the concern and comments on the last few posts, but I am finding that writing about those 10 years between 17 and 27 are bringing back a lot of horrid memories that I had really banked down and covered up. I thought at first if I could get it all out there I could totally purge it and let it go once and for all, it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. I’ve worked very hard over the years to forgive and I sometimes mouth the words out loud that I forgave that man for everything he has done, but I’m not quite sure I really believe it.

I’ll give a short synopsis, The first 2 years were the lowest I’ve ever been in my life and to this day I still haven’t decided if mental abuse is worse than physical at any rate I endured both and Eric basically got the mental abuse when he was older and a slap when I paid to much attention to him. During those 2 years I learned to hide in the other room when any people were around. I started agreeing with everything he said or did and more or less became a slave and still I would get abused and I never fought back because I was afraid.

I wanted to die and I tried taking 90 sinutabs, but all that did was make me sleep for several days and throw up and that’s when I got pissed at how weak minded I had become and started fighting back. I remember telling him when he busted my eardrum, come on you SOB either you die or I do and either way I’ll get relief. The 3rd year we moved back to Chattanooga where I worked to support the 3 of us on waitress pay for the next 7 years and by then my Son had become totally conditioned to Tommy’s way of thinking.

Someone drove Tommy to the mountains for a week because he couldn’t drive and when I caught my Son calling him and giving him a detailed report about my comings and goings I finally got the courage to grab up all of mine and Eric’s stuff and load my car which I had managed to get with Doc’s help and got in touch with the lady I had worked for and told her what I was finally doing she was so happy and gladly gave me my check and severance pay so I could get away. She and the girls I worked with had been encouraging me for 3 years to leave, but I was afraid.

They didn’t like the bruises I usually sported, but didn’t know how to help me back then. I called my brother and asked him if he could put me up till I got a job and apartment and he said yes and I was finally free. I didn’t find out till much later that my brother’s wife had been talking to Tommy and tried to get him to come to PA and that she could patch things up, what a snake it had taken me 10 years to escape. I would probably have killed him in desperation if he had showed up. At any rate I didn’t want to leave anyone hanging over my final escape.

His brother and niece told me at Eric’s funeral that he lives alone with all of his cats and never leaves and when the cats die he puts them in his freezer with his food and one of the relatives tries to help him dispose of them when he can. Tommy never had anything good to say about anybody or anything and now all he talks about is Armageddon and he’s afraid to go outside. He use to tell me he couldn’t wait till we died so he could find out all the evil things I had ever done and thought. Okay time to try the forgiveness thing again.

My Life/The Beginning Of 10 Years Of Hell

My Life/Part2

My Baby’s Father