Most of my life there was no one I could depend on except myself and I was always able to maintain and talk to people and get things done, but now it seems like I’m forgetting how to do things or I’m afraid to do things without Bill. When we go out he does all the driving now because people scare me the way they drive and of course I scare him with mine, he’s not a good passenger. I’m amazed that I was even able to drive to Kentucky by myself and back last year because I really hate to drive any more.

Yesterday I had to drive across town to get my tax forms by myself and 2 vehicles almost caused me to wreck because of their impatience to get some where. I can’t believe people have so little regard about sideswiping someone and causing injury to others, no wonder I hate driving now and prefer staying at home. I have created a safety comfort zone which I hate leaving now and when I need to I stress myself out maybe it’s just my age kicking in because I use to be more daring.

I don’t understand things any more either, like when I got to the IRS building they had tons of forms and I couldn’t figure out the ones I needed to file my 1099 misc. H&R Block did them last year for 217 dollars which was ridiculous so I plan on doing my own this year. So I went inside to ask, there were 2 counter windows and no one else was there, but me. The lady that wasn’t busy I walked up to and she was very abrupt and told me to go back to the door I had just entered and get a ticket.

So I did as I was told and punched the forms button and a ticket came out number 112 and she made me stand there and wait a couple minutes before she called my number, how rude. She was doing nothing but laughing with another co-worker while the other lady at the other counter was working. When she finally called me up she then asked what she could do for me. I nicely asked my question about which forms I needed to fill out my self employment taxes even though I was by then fuming inside.

She actually made me repeat my question and had no clue what I was talking about. She got up and headed to the back and the lady that was busy asked her if she knew what I wanted and she admitted that she had no idea so the busy lady explained it to her. She then came around the counter went to where the forms were and picked them out for me and practically shoved me out the door. I couldn’t believe how rude and ignorant this woman was and that she was allowed to work there.

By the time I finally got home I was a nervous wreck because of her and the 2 almost collisions. I really must start getting out more by myself so I can get use to being around people again without Bill because I’m starting to forget how to interact with the outside world. Up until 6 years ago I was a capable person and always managed to take care of myself and others and always paid my own way. When I met Bill he made it too easy for me to withdraw from responsibilities and be dependant on him, in other words he takes care of everything.