56 always seemed ancient to me and truthfully I never thought I would live this long, but now that I’m here it doesn’t seem so old and regardless of how I may sound at times on this blog I’m grateful for every year. I had my Son at a young age so he more or less defined in my mind who and what I was. I went through the empty nest syndrome many years ago when he left home and became his own person, but he was still a part of my life. Now that he has passed away and I can no longer touch him or talk to him at times my life seems pointless. I’m not having a pity party just stating a fact and blogging my feelings to strangers helps somehow.

Bill has been here supporting me letting me know how important I am to him and making me feel loved and I really appreciate that, but it’s like my life has been snatched away. Even though I face one day at a time  and even find joy in many things and celebrate my Son’s life that I was able to share for 39 years I feel empty, it’s like the Sun was snatched away and it’s dark all the time except for the dim moonlight that filters around me occasionally lighting a path. I read about other peoples lives and I know many that have faced and are facing many tragic circumstances and my heart goes out to them, but I know all I can offer is sympathy and many don’t even want that..

I’ve experienced many things in my life some good, some bad and I have to say the best was when my Son was born and the worse was when he died although there were lots of ups and downs with him. I never thought my Son would go before me because he was hardly ever sick. I read a lot of the younger generations’ blogs and notice that most of them are just as sickly as we the older generation. They’re always talking about how they don’t want to get old and sick and in the next sentence they’re complaining about all their aches and pains, headaches, and whatever virus they have picked up.

I personally intend to start traveling again  sometime soon when Bill retires. Some years back I revisited some of the places I had traveled when I was younger that made me happy and one of the area’s was where we were having a reunion and I did some exploring as a grown up. There are many places to eat, but we were looking for a great experience to remember. We did a search for  San Diego fine dining banquet rooms- – - and came up with Trattoria Acqua located in La Jolla so if you want an experience to remember be sure to check them out. Hopefully when Bill retires I can take him there because he loves Italian cuisine.

I’m hoping I will be in good enough shape to travel when we get older, but of course aging brings with it many problems that the young as a rule don’t have to contend with. There are always exceptions, each age group has it’s own pros and cons and I’ve liked most of my years and the only thing I’ve actually learned is  no age is exempt from dying. Personally I  prefer the age range I’m in now I just wish I didn’t feel so empty and redefining myself and purpose to myself is not easy. I know I’ll be fine and I know Bill and I will get to see some of the world before we are unable and I can’t wait.