Shadow refuses to even try and walk, at first Bill made him a wooden thing with the swivel wheels, but it was too high so we worked on a cart for him and all he wants to do is lay down. At first we had it like a regular cart, but then used wood to add 2 swivel rollers in front so he couldn’t lay down. He still refuses even when I hold out a treat so now I’m thinking it might be too narrow so we are going to move the front wheels back so he wont feel trapped and shorten it.

This is getting very frustrating because someone has to sleep downstairs with him otherwise he’d bark and whine all night. I can’t put the muzzle on him for long periods of time so we go in shifts. I go to bed and then when Bill comes up I go down and sleep in the recliner next to Shadow. We are also going through those piddle pads like crazy. We were getting all of our dog supplies at the pet store, but found a cheaper place for the piddle pads.

We now buy the dollar store brand because we can get 18 for 5 bucks and we buy them all out as soon as they come in. I tried toddler training pants at first and then I bought expensive special doggy diapers and neither work well for Shadow. I even tried diapering him up with the piddle pads and safety pins, but that didn’t work either. I was thinking about trying some of those depends on him, but I’m sure the clerk will think they’re for me. Oh, well who cares I might need them someday myself although I certainly hope not.

I keep hoping he will just get up and walk, but the longer he lays there the weaker in the backside he seems to get, although he does turn him self around with his front paws. I’m seriously wondering if it might be a mental thing after his fall because for 2 days he did walk some and even went outside to do his business, but that was it and he hasn’t tried since. I wonder if the dog whisperer would make a house call, probably not besides I wouldn’t be able to afford him.

I think next week we are going to take him to a different vet because I have no clue if the one I’ve used for years even knows anything besides how to give shots. I know I should have taken out pet insurance years ago for an emergency like this, but I certainly wasn’t anticipating something this drastic. If anyone knows of anyone that has a real dog wheelchair for a medium sized dog that isn’t in use anymore I would certainly consider buying it at a reasonable price because I can’t afford a new one.

I’m sure everyone dreams of seeing different countries and exploring, but so far that has only happened through visiting blogs that belong to people that share their homes and land and traditions with me. I enjoy seeing how they eat and interact with each other and learning about their families and friends. I love seeing their market places and how they shop. I especially love the photos of their famous landmarks and imagine I am there, I really should learn to astral project.

I’ve been in many of the states in my country, but I’ve never been out of the USA except Canada and that’s something I’ve always dreamt about. There are so many places I’d love to visit, but I don’t know if it will ever happen because of the economy and having to decide how we are going to survive in a few years so we will have to prioritize and make sure we even have enough to live on before we can actually think about any long distance travel.

I can’t wait till Bill retires and we can do more things together, I don’t know if we will ever fly together because that’s not something he really likes to do since Vietnam, but we can take other road trips so long as we take them in stages either by Jeep or motorcycle. I flew a few times and I always bought cheap travel insurance when I bought my ticket just on the off chance something would have happened, at least my family would have gotten something if I didn’t make it.

I’ll probably never fly again, but we might take a cruise so I’ll also be sure to get insurance for that too if I can get Bill on a ship. Not that I think a Titanic episode will happen, but one never knows and it pays to be safe. I’m not sure the cruise line would have to pay if it wasn’t their fault, but it never hurts to be insured when traveling. I tried to get Bill on a helicopter because I had never been in one and they were having rides at one of the motorcycle events, but he refused. He did say I could do it by myself the next time.

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is difficult regardless if it’s a friend or family member and there are no set rules on how to grieve and how long that grief must last and who loved that person the most and who was the most important in that persons life. One love is no more important than another all that is important is that there was love. We as humans try to separate love into different categories, like the love of a parent for their children or the love between a couple from the love of friends.

I think the way we express that love in society by touch should certainly be monitored, but I don’t see the difference in the emotion itself. If you are Christian and read the Bible, does it not teach to love all men equally and not to form attachments for certain ones, but love and treat everyone the same way? It also teaches you not to form attachments to worldly goods or material things. We, as humans with ego however have a hard time with that and set ourselves up as judge. Okay, I wont go any further with that train of thought right now.

I think what I am facing right now is a form of detachment and analyzing what my emotions actually are all about. I still love the thought of living and experiencing the gift of life and the doctors did tell us that we would all go through certain stages like denial, disbelief, confusion, shock, sadness, yearning, anger, despair and even guilt and that these feelings and emotions are normal and even healthy. I do know that both my Son and I experienced all of them. I think everyone seeks enlightenment and with that also comes detachment.

However sometimes I still feel like a sleepwalker and keep wondering if I’m ever going to wake up. I feel like I’m just going through the motions and everything feels dull and unreal almost like having post-traumatic stress disorder. I know depression and apathy go hand in hand, but I’m not indifferent and I do have emotions so I really don’t think that is the problem. I know I’m still grieving and still trying to come to terms with my loss which I am doing my best to compartmentalize and put it in the slot it belongs.

I personally think we are here to remember love and when we do everything will become clear for us. I think we are all connected and share the same source and that we are all one and the same regardless of the judgements the ego makes and the limitations we place on each other. If we deny one person their right in Heaven or returning to it’s source are we not condemning all?

Remember all of these Cliché’s: Love thy neighbor as thy self, when you point a finger at someone remember that 3 are pointing back at you, judge not lest you be judged and I’m sure the list goes on, but those come to mind. Forgiving ourselves is a very hard thing to accomplish, but it’s something we all need to strive to do and let go because since we are all connected if one person is seen as unworthy in our eyes then aren’t we condemning all?

I’m sorry I’ll end my thoughts there for now because I’m sure my thoughts may sound confusing to some. I even confuse myself at times.

I thought I’d list a few essential oils which are homeopathic ways to help mental issues, fatigue, stress, or even physical conditions. Essential oils are extracts from certain plants or fruits that are distilled and placed in a container. Packaged essential oils are highly potent and very concentrated.

Bergamot
Bergamot is a refreshing and uplifting essential oil.  It is extracted from the peel of the fruit, and its citrus aroma helps lift you spiritually and rid yourself from negative thoughts.  It helps your emotional balance and keeps you focused on important issues.

Neroli
Neroli is one of the best essential oils to relax your mind.  It is perfect with bergamot since it can follow up with a relaxing feel after ridding yourself from sadness.  It is also distilled from a flower from the bitter orange tree.  The fragrance helps soothe your mind to help it relax.  It is especially helpful to give you a better night’s sleep.  It rids your mind of anger, sadness, and the irritability of the day.

Using both of these essential oils together will help you battle sadness and depression, and it can also help you get a better night’s sleep.  A better night’s sleep will ultimately make you feel refreshed the following morning which will increase your energy.  Increased energy will boost your mood and keep you happier throughout the day.

Cedarwood
Cedarwood is a soothing essential oil that helps you remove stress from your body and mind.  The oil is extracted from the Virginian Cedar tree, so its fragrance is woody and refreshing to the mind.

Lavender French
Lavender French is one of the most popular flowery scents that rejuvenate your mind.  The scent is French-born and it has long been considered a therapeutic fragrance.  It relieves stress from your mind, and it can even alleviate the aches and pains from your muscles.

Clary Sage
Clary sage is a popular essential oil to relax your spirit and it helps get rid of the restlessness from stress and an overactive emotional state.  As with some other essential oils, it is distilled from the leaf of a plant that is known to relax you simply from its aromatic smell.  It brings you a feeling of well being and within twenty four hours will make you feel like you can conquer the world.

Sandalwood Agmark
The Sandalwood Agmark essential oil will soothe you so that you no longer feel as if the stress of the world is on your shoulders.  It helps you ultimately relax and keeps your emotions at bay so that you can sleep throughout the night.  The fragrance of the Sandalwood is great for the mind since it is the main factor for stressfully restless nights.

Grapefruit
If you have ever peeled a fresh grapefruit for a healthy morning breakfast then you already know the refreshing benefits of grapefruit essential oils.  The tangy fruit has an uplifting, stimulating effect from its citrus foundation.  Use this type of oil to invigorate and create a feeling of refreshed energy.

Pine Needle
Having a Christmas Tree inside your home will help you realize the benefits of this aroma.  Using this essential oil clears your mind and acts as a refreshing antiseptic.  The aroma clears your head from the negative thoughts from the day and helps make your body feel positively revitalized.

Litsea Cubeba
A less commonly known essential oil is the litsea cubeba.  It is an uplifting essential oil that makes your body feel strengthened and balanced.  Like the grapefruit, it also has a citrus lemon smell that brings a refreshing effect for energy levels.

Marjoram Sweet
Marjoram Sweet is a naturally soothing and comforting herb that can help release your anxiety and increase your mood.  The herb is actually a culinary herb used for many centuries as an herbal medicine.  It is a powerful mood enhancer, and it can help you overcome your feelings of loneliness and depression.  Another effect that Marjoram Sweet can bring is a warm, sweet fragrance that helps your aching muscle.  The herb gives muscles a warm feeling that relieves them from the pain of the day’s strenuous work.

Rosemary
Rosemary has long been used to help people relieve themselves from the pressures and stress of the day.  If you suffer from loneliness, the stress and anxiety of the day can make your mental health even worse.  Rosemary is also a powerful way to increase your memory and enable you to deal with the emotional ups and downs of anxiety and depression that stems from loneliness.  Rosemary rejuvenates tired muscles and helps ease the aches and pains from a strenuous day’s work.